Holy cow! It’s been so long since I have written on this
space, that I almost forgot my login information. kid. you. not. Honestly, I've
been so busy trying to figure out this crazy, beautiful, messy thing called
life that I haven’t had the time or the energy to write. Instead, I've just
been reading what all as been going on in all of your lives and keeping it real
with Jesus in my personal journal. It’s been messy, y’all. Life is kind of
crazy right now, and honestly it’s taken me a while to figure out how to
maneuver and survive this new season that I’m in. I always heard people say that they felt like
they had lost their joy, and I always thought that would never be me. I love
Jesus too much to lose my joy, I thought. But y’all, I did. And it was ugly.
I’m so not proud of the joylessness that’s resided deep down in me, but I've
come to find that it’s okay. I survived it, and came out better for it. I can
only pray that my sharing this will help someone else.
. In August, I moved two hours south to finish up my degree
at Mississippi State University. Moving here has always been something that I
had in my plan. I just don’t think I realized all the “inconveniences” I might
face in a heavier load of classes, new roommates, and no job. I’m just going to
keep it real…there have been days that I haven’t been sure that I have made the
right decision in being here. It’s in those days that God has reminded me that
sometimes it takes loneliness and confusion to be remember that I need a
Savior. Every day I need a Savior. Don’t
get me wrong, awesome things have happened since moving here, and I've met
beautiful people that I thank God every day for. Overall though, I would say it has
been a good experience, but mostly just because it’s been a growing experience.
I have learned so much about myself. God is revealing to me more and more each
day my struggles and my weaknesses. I’m learning to deal with things that I
don’t love dealing with…but that’s
life. Last week I finally realized that I have to find some sort of balance
before I drive myself crazy trying to be superwoman and conquer all. So this
week I've taken more time to just be with myself and spend time in the Word.
It’s incredible how much better one will feel after some time with Father.
After this past weekend, I was feeling super refreshed, and
ready to take on the world. Typically I have my quiet time sometime around mid-morning,
but Monday morning, I woke up with the attitude of kicking some Monday booty. I
woke up around 5:30, did my morning devotion, and spent some time in prayer. I
enjoyed a nice breakfast and a warm cup of coffee, and headed out the door.
Y’all, I even dressed cute for class. That almost never happens. I walked in the classroom and found my seat feeling
like I was ten feet tall and bullet proof. It was then that the girl next to me
whispered, “um..did you mean to wear your shirt wrong side out?” FAIL. Haha…at
least I could laugh it off?
Honestly though, this week has been the week I've been
hoping for since August 15. Full of friendships, worship, Bible studies, and
coffee. I feel like I've fallen in love with Jesus all over again. I say all of
this to say this….if it took a season of joylessness for me to fall in love
with my Savior all over again, it was all worth it. My prayer from this day forward is that
I’ll wake up every day and fall more and more in love with Him, the lover of my soul.
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