It's okay to ask why.

Last week brought with it a roller coaster of emotions. As a nation, we experienced the great loss of many innocent children and heroic teachers. As a church family, we experienced and are still experiencing the possible nearing of a homecoming of one of our oldest, most precious members.

Through those things, as well as the inconveniences of life that are on a much smaller scale, I am reminded of how sweet it is to be loved by Him. To not make sense of any of it, but to have Him to cry to, brings peace within.

An emotinoal week it was...probably partly due to the lack of sleep and jet lag, but nonetheless it was emotional. Sunday morning we took time to pray for the families affected in Newtown, as well as reflect in God's Word with hopes of finding a small ounce of peace. There were some sad tears shed. Sunday afternoon, my family spent the evening with my grandfather as we celebrated his 90 years of life. He opened his gifts, enjoyed his cake, and handed out sweet hugs. I made it pretty good until he began telling each of us how loved we were by him, and how we had made this the happiest day of his life. Then, the tears came. Tears of joy because of the precious time God has given me with him, yet tears of sadness with the reality of how short our remaining time together could be.  Last night we enjoyed our Christmas dinner at church. After eating way too much potluck, some friends and I sat around and laughed until our full tummies hurt. There might have been some tears shed, but only due to the excessive laughing that went on in that little Sunday school room. It was the perfect way to end the day. Well, that and the Bachelorette wedding :) ahhhh....

happy birthday, pa!

 I found myself on many occasions last week just sitting and pondering the thought of why.

why must there be such heartbreak in our world.

why must there be death.

why must there be such unexplainable tragedies.

While working in the Philippines last week I often had the same thought running through my heard as I do each time I visit...why would someone throw away such beauty. such gifts.

3 of the 11 children at Rosemary's
(l-r: Raphie, Clyde, Vicson)

This weekend i wondered why someone would point a gun at such innocence.

Throughout life there will be countless things we do not understand. Unfortunately, we may never have an understanding,  but i think it is okay to question it. to ask God why.

Often times people say it is sinful to ask the almighty, but i think it brings healing and peace to the wondering, confused, and hurt heart. Should we question God with fists raised and an angry tone? absolutely not. But to seek His wisdom, His will....He understands. One of the most comforting things to me is the sweet reminder that while Jesus is the son of God, He was also man just like us. Therefore, He experienced much of the same hurt that we do.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30
                                                   
Obviously, I will never know all of the answers. The questions that often confuse this heart, will remain unanswered until I meet with the giver of life himself. and then, when I stand before my makers face, the questions that have brought confusion to me on earth, will matter no more. That's what we have to hold on to. This life, this earth..it's not our home. Sometimes it takes pain to be reminded of the joy that we will someday have when we dance with Jesus, and all hurt is gone.

Today, let's slow down our hectic lives and enjoy the many gifts God has given us. We have so much. Let us not wallow in the sadness so long that we forget to be joyful for the many blessings of life.

For He is good.

All the time.

my favorite view.

it's friday, december 14. i haven't had good sleep since sunday, december 2.
i'm pretty tired to say the least.
we arrived home from the islands of the Philippines this past tuesday night.

the trip was more than i ever could have imagined.
i have never seen such gratitude from so many people over so little.
often times in America, people grumble over how little they receieve at Christmas time.
but in the Philippines, they can't believe they are getting anything at all.
you wouldn't believe the gratitude.

this 90 year old man walked over a mile to be with us.
i had the opportunity of talking to him on several occasions during my trip.
on this particular day, i asked him for a picture. in return he asked me for a kiss.
he smiled so big when i told him i would call him my Filipino Lolo. i felt so blessed.
*Lolo=grandfather.

i witnessed something very special on this trip.
the palm trees, the ocean, and the mountains are very beautiful, but it isn't their beauty that astonishes me on my visits to the islands.

on sunday, the 9th, we had family day.
we took the children to a nearby swimming pool and to eat at Jollibee's (Filipino McDonald's).
I opted out of the nice, soft seated van, and went for the bumpy, very chilly, flatbed truck.
that's where the kids were riding, and i wanted to spend every second with them possible before our departure early monday morning.

from my seat in the very back of our neighbor's flatbed truck, i saw true beauty.
i saw laughter, hugging, and so much smiling.
i saw hopelessness replaced with hope.

it's very blurry because of bumpy roads and poor light, but you can kind of get the picture.

i felt so overcome by God's grace as i sat there and took in what was in front of me.
just over a year ago, these children were homeless, fatherless, and made their beds on the street or beach.
their mother's chose prostitution over them.
they were given alcohol and drugs.
they were abused.

such joyful times.

....but now, because of faith, because of God's mercy and love, they have a home.
they are loved.
they will always be someone's number one priority.
they are given healthy meals to eat.
and most importantly, they are being taught about the love of Jesus Christ.

just before they all floated off to sleep, they smiled those big smiles, and sang the most beautiful version of "Jesus Loves Me," that i have ever heard.

i feel so unworthy to get to experience such God moments. i'm always so humbled in situations like these that God chose me to be a part of something so wonderful.
that He entrusted me with His beautiful children.

the shoebox ministry was absolutely amazing. without a doubt, it was my favorite mission this far while serving in the Philippines.
i will share more about my thoughts on that ministry sometime soon when i have had much more sleep, and my brain is working more efficiently. :)

 

on this trip....
i saw a joy that was new.

i saw love that was overflowing.

i saw grateful hearts.

i saw family.

christmas to kananga

tuesday, december 4th, i will be leaving to have once again for another adventure in the philippines.

my heart is overflowing with joy, because i feel like i'm going home.

mississippi will always be home to me.

it's where i grew up.

where family and friends are.

but my puzzle will never be complete, because no matter what side of the globe i'm on.

i'm missing someone.

isn't that going to be one of the most glorious things about heaven.

i get all giddy just thinking about it.

an eternity with all the ones we love.

i don't know about you, but i'm ready!

whenever i was at uncle dick's home, this old hymn quickly became one of my favorite songs.

in church back in mississippi, it's words never hit home like they did when i was so far away.

stripped of all i had ever known.

but surrounded by an abundance of love.

i think we all know i didn't want to leave udh.

which is one of the reasons this song kept playing in my head.

when we all get to heaven..

what a glorious day...

Sing the wondrous love of Jesus;
sing his mercy and his grace.
In the mansions bright and blessed
he'll prepare for us a place.

When we all get to heaven,
what a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
we'll sing and shout the victory!
While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
clouds will overspread the sky;
but when traveling days are over,
not a shadow, not a sigh.

Let us then be true and faithful,
trusting, serving every day;
just one glimpse of him in glory
will the toils of life repay.

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon his beauty we'll behold;
soon the pearly gates will open;
we shall tread the streets of gold.

i know i haven't done a super awesome job of updating everyone on everything going on at Rosemary's Home of Hope. i have every intention of being better, i  promise.

for the mean time, the most important thing that you could possibly know is that we need your prayers.

big time.

we are a team of five americans.

with 26 bags.

TWENTY SIX!

here's the process of packing up 26 bags/boxes.
looks crazy, huh?

i'm not exactly sure how we are going to handle that many once we arrive in Manila.

i'll have to let y'all know the outcome of that. ha.

our mission this trip: LOVE.

don't get me wrong. that's always our mission..to love.

but, typically we have more tasks at hand like tons of evangelism, vbs, etc.

this trip, we are going to be delivering christmas presents to our eleven orphans.

as well as delivering christmas shoe boxes to as many children in the village as possible.

i have never been this time of year, so i am very excited.

typically, i go in the spring of summer, so this is definitely different for me.

i can't wait to share a little bit of Jesus' birthday with them :)

please for us.

safety.

God's will.

laughter.

task to be completed.

and for heavens sake...

the 26 bags :)

love you all.