It's okay to ask why.

Last week brought with it a roller coaster of emotions. As a nation, we experienced the great loss of many innocent children and heroic teachers. As a church family, we experienced and are still experiencing the possible nearing of a homecoming of one of our oldest, most precious members.

Through those things, as well as the inconveniences of life that are on a much smaller scale, I am reminded of how sweet it is to be loved by Him. To not make sense of any of it, but to have Him to cry to, brings peace within.

An emotinoal week it was...probably partly due to the lack of sleep and jet lag, but nonetheless it was emotional. Sunday morning we took time to pray for the families affected in Newtown, as well as reflect in God's Word with hopes of finding a small ounce of peace. There were some sad tears shed. Sunday afternoon, my family spent the evening with my grandfather as we celebrated his 90 years of life. He opened his gifts, enjoyed his cake, and handed out sweet hugs. I made it pretty good until he began telling each of us how loved we were by him, and how we had made this the happiest day of his life. Then, the tears came. Tears of joy because of the precious time God has given me with him, yet tears of sadness with the reality of how short our remaining time together could be.  Last night we enjoyed our Christmas dinner at church. After eating way too much potluck, some friends and I sat around and laughed until our full tummies hurt. There might have been some tears shed, but only due to the excessive laughing that went on in that little Sunday school room. It was the perfect way to end the day. Well, that and the Bachelorette wedding :) ahhhh....

happy birthday, pa!

 I found myself on many occasions last week just sitting and pondering the thought of why.

why must there be such heartbreak in our world.

why must there be death.

why must there be such unexplainable tragedies.

While working in the Philippines last week I often had the same thought running through my heard as I do each time I visit...why would someone throw away such beauty. such gifts.

3 of the 11 children at Rosemary's
(l-r: Raphie, Clyde, Vicson)

This weekend i wondered why someone would point a gun at such innocence.

Throughout life there will be countless things we do not understand. Unfortunately, we may never have an understanding,  but i think it is okay to question it. to ask God why.

Often times people say it is sinful to ask the almighty, but i think it brings healing and peace to the wondering, confused, and hurt heart. Should we question God with fists raised and an angry tone? absolutely not. But to seek His wisdom, His will....He understands. One of the most comforting things to me is the sweet reminder that while Jesus is the son of God, He was also man just like us. Therefore, He experienced much of the same hurt that we do.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30
                                                   
Obviously, I will never know all of the answers. The questions that often confuse this heart, will remain unanswered until I meet with the giver of life himself. and then, when I stand before my makers face, the questions that have brought confusion to me on earth, will matter no more. That's what we have to hold on to. This life, this earth..it's not our home. Sometimes it takes pain to be reminded of the joy that we will someday have when we dance with Jesus, and all hurt is gone.

Today, let's slow down our hectic lives and enjoy the many gifts God has given us. We have so much. Let us not wallow in the sadness so long that we forget to be joyful for the many blessings of life.

For He is good.

All the time.

my favorite view.

it's friday, december 14. i haven't had good sleep since sunday, december 2.
i'm pretty tired to say the least.
we arrived home from the islands of the Philippines this past tuesday night.

the trip was more than i ever could have imagined.
i have never seen such gratitude from so many people over so little.
often times in America, people grumble over how little they receieve at Christmas time.
but in the Philippines, they can't believe they are getting anything at all.
you wouldn't believe the gratitude.

this 90 year old man walked over a mile to be with us.
i had the opportunity of talking to him on several occasions during my trip.
on this particular day, i asked him for a picture. in return he asked me for a kiss.
he smiled so big when i told him i would call him my Filipino Lolo. i felt so blessed.
*Lolo=grandfather.

i witnessed something very special on this trip.
the palm trees, the ocean, and the mountains are very beautiful, but it isn't their beauty that astonishes me on my visits to the islands.

on sunday, the 9th, we had family day.
we took the children to a nearby swimming pool and to eat at Jollibee's (Filipino McDonald's).
I opted out of the nice, soft seated van, and went for the bumpy, very chilly, flatbed truck.
that's where the kids were riding, and i wanted to spend every second with them possible before our departure early monday morning.

from my seat in the very back of our neighbor's flatbed truck, i saw true beauty.
i saw laughter, hugging, and so much smiling.
i saw hopelessness replaced with hope.

it's very blurry because of bumpy roads and poor light, but you can kind of get the picture.

i felt so overcome by God's grace as i sat there and took in what was in front of me.
just over a year ago, these children were homeless, fatherless, and made their beds on the street or beach.
their mother's chose prostitution over them.
they were given alcohol and drugs.
they were abused.

such joyful times.

....but now, because of faith, because of God's mercy and love, they have a home.
they are loved.
they will always be someone's number one priority.
they are given healthy meals to eat.
and most importantly, they are being taught about the love of Jesus Christ.

just before they all floated off to sleep, they smiled those big smiles, and sang the most beautiful version of "Jesus Loves Me," that i have ever heard.

i feel so unworthy to get to experience such God moments. i'm always so humbled in situations like these that God chose me to be a part of something so wonderful.
that He entrusted me with His beautiful children.

the shoebox ministry was absolutely amazing. without a doubt, it was my favorite mission this far while serving in the Philippines.
i will share more about my thoughts on that ministry sometime soon when i have had much more sleep, and my brain is working more efficiently. :)

 

on this trip....
i saw a joy that was new.

i saw love that was overflowing.

i saw grateful hearts.

i saw family.

christmas to kananga

tuesday, december 4th, i will be leaving to have once again for another adventure in the philippines.

my heart is overflowing with joy, because i feel like i'm going home.

mississippi will always be home to me.

it's where i grew up.

where family and friends are.

but my puzzle will never be complete, because no matter what side of the globe i'm on.

i'm missing someone.

isn't that going to be one of the most glorious things about heaven.

i get all giddy just thinking about it.

an eternity with all the ones we love.

i don't know about you, but i'm ready!

whenever i was at uncle dick's home, this old hymn quickly became one of my favorite songs.

in church back in mississippi, it's words never hit home like they did when i was so far away.

stripped of all i had ever known.

but surrounded by an abundance of love.

i think we all know i didn't want to leave udh.

which is one of the reasons this song kept playing in my head.

when we all get to heaven..

what a glorious day...

Sing the wondrous love of Jesus;
sing his mercy and his grace.
In the mansions bright and blessed
he'll prepare for us a place.

When we all get to heaven,
what a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
we'll sing and shout the victory!
While we walk the pilgrim pathway,
clouds will overspread the sky;
but when traveling days are over,
not a shadow, not a sigh.

Let us then be true and faithful,
trusting, serving every day;
just one glimpse of him in glory
will the toils of life repay.

Onward to the prize before us!
Soon his beauty we'll behold;
soon the pearly gates will open;
we shall tread the streets of gold.

i know i haven't done a super awesome job of updating everyone on everything going on at Rosemary's Home of Hope. i have every intention of being better, i  promise.

for the mean time, the most important thing that you could possibly know is that we need your prayers.

big time.

we are a team of five americans.

with 26 bags.

TWENTY SIX!

here's the process of packing up 26 bags/boxes.
looks crazy, huh?

i'm not exactly sure how we are going to handle that many once we arrive in Manila.

i'll have to let y'all know the outcome of that. ha.

our mission this trip: LOVE.

don't get me wrong. that's always our mission..to love.

but, typically we have more tasks at hand like tons of evangelism, vbs, etc.

this trip, we are going to be delivering christmas presents to our eleven orphans.

as well as delivering christmas shoe boxes to as many children in the village as possible.

i have never been this time of year, so i am very excited.

typically, i go in the spring of summer, so this is definitely different for me.

i can't wait to share a little bit of Jesus' birthday with them :)

please for us.

safety.

God's will.

laughter.

task to be completed.

and for heavens sake...

the 26 bags :)

love you all.

smokies winter magic

last week, my family and i took a nine day vacation to the great smoky mountains.

the past few months have been a stressful time for the four of us.

my mom is still adjusting to her new job.

dad is always being pulled in different directions with work.

grace quit basketball.

and i have experienced heartbreak.

needless to say, this trip was a nice retreat to get away from all of the chaos of home, and spend some quality time together. i realize trips like these will not always be possible, and i thank God for them.

 

the smokies is absolutely one of my favorite places in the world. it's so nice to be up in the mountains with no cell service (yep..i just said that), and just enjoy God's creation. i am learning more and more everyday how glorious He is. how perfect.

here's a few pictures...

dollywood with my sis

dad--just can't manage to get him to take a serious picture

beautiful sis

we fell in love with this little coffee shop by the old mill.
if you're every up there, go check it out!

what do you think? ;)



we went to candlelight christmas at the biltmore.
it. was. magical.





they enjoyed ice cream at the biltmore.
i went for the coffee
come on people...it's 30 degrees outside, who needs ice cream?


 



in the gardens at the biltmore.
we want to go back when the flowers are in full bloom.
it was kind of dreary in november

we enjoyed a fun day of racing with our good friends.
had a little friendly competition.
for a day, we were all ten years old again. ha!



late night snack after another long day in dollywood.
my hair is the result of one too many roller coasters.



soo...we were attempting to do a jumping shot..probably couldn't tell, huh?
it looks like a rockstar move gone wrong. haha.
we did actually get a very good jumping shot, if you're wondering.
sadly, it's on the other camera :(

the girls--cades cove

the girls & dad

friday night @ mellow mushroom.
please keep in mind we shopped ALL night Thursday night, and ALL day Friday.

last night in Gatlinburg.
enjoying walking the strip.

i would love to share with you my dad's birthday pictures, but he would probably kill me. we all went to bubba gumps to celebrate his big 50th.
they made him shake his booty.
if you know my dad, you probably can't believe he did it!

this song come on this morning on my way to work. it usually doesn't have such a powerful affect on me, but this morning...it hit me hard.

this line...it was as if God himself whispered into my ear.

"what if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?"

i have known disappointment and trials in my life. but it hasn't been until recently that i have known disappointment with every fiber in my body.
sometimes, we just need to be reminded...no one or no thing could ever satisfy us the way the Messiah does.

just a thought....

HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!



thanksgiving.

(this was scheduled to post last thursday. use your imagination and pretend it's thanksgiving ;)

happy thanksgiving!

as you are reading this i am wondering around somewhere in the mountains. my guess, probably either stuffing my face with some cracker barrell thanksgiving, or strolling around taking in the the christmas lights. either way, i'm in total and complete happiness simply because i am surrounded by God's serene creation in the great outdoors of the smokies.

and today...that's what i'm most of all thankful for. a week away from the chaos of life, surrounded by all of those who i love and cherish most in the world. i couldn't ask for more.

leading up to the glorious day, i took some time to reflect on my life, and all that God has given me. i decided against the one a day thanksgivnig facebook post leading up to thanksgiving, and decided to combined it all on this post.

so here ya go. the things i am most of all thankful for.

my salvation

thankful for God's selfless sacrifice of giving His one and only Son for my eternal life.

thankful God called me to be His child eleven years ago.

i cannot imagine going through life without a Savior to call on.

my family

the term family means more to me than those who are blood related.

God most definitely blessed me with the most loving family out there. we have been together through thick and then, and although the road has not always been easy, we still have love and faith in an even brighter tomorrow.

i could never thank God enough for giving me the most loving parents and sister in the world. my world would not be the same without them, and i pray every day to never take them for granted.

...and my furbabies. they truly are a gal's best friend. i've never met anyone or any furbabies any more loyal than our Daisy and Hank. one thing is always guaranteed....they will be waiting, and waggin g at the door when i get home just waiting on their treat.

now if that ain't love, i don't kno what is ;)

happy fourteenth, sis :)

thankful for brice.
he celebrated gracie's birthday with us.
he's the brother we've always wanted!

friends who are family

i seriously do not know how you could possibly have any better friends than i have.

i can truly say that my friends are more than just friends. they are family.

i'm thankful to have most of my friends within a 20 minute drive; however, i do have a few close friends than live a good day's drive away. we hold onto the fact that we will definitely be neighbors in heaven :)



lacey and me at lacy & justin's wedding
thankful for her friendship & wisdom.
such a beautiful woman of God.



yep. i caught the bouquet.
for the third time.
doesn't work, gals.
the beautiful bride, lacy
so very thankful for her and her friendship...& our shared love of days of our lives.
don't judge.



my bestie.
so thankful God brought her & her family into my life.



tab's sweet brady boy
auntie em loves him much

so thankful for this lady & her family.
she's definitely just like a sister.

family across the world

i am beyond words thankful for Filipino family. one of the biggest blessings in my life is God sending me to the Philippines. each visit over has changed my life in some way.

i'm thankful for the new brothers and sisters at each school i have ever shared the gospel at.

i'm thankful for my 42 brothers and sisters at uncle dicks home.

my six weeks there was the best time of my life. i learned more about myself, about life, and mostly about God's selfless love there in six weeks, than i had learned in my whole lifetime.

if i could do it all again, i would in a heartbeat. snakes, mosquittos, hand washing, and all.

i'm thankful for my eleven brothers and sisters at rosemary's home of hope.

i never imagined the summer of 2011 would change all of our lives in such an incredible way.

when the idea of rosemary's come about, i imagined it being such a far away thought. however, here we are just 16 months later, and we already have a home built, with eleven beautiful orphans running aruond, surrounded by a village who has also come to know the Lord through our efforts and God's faithfulness.  

me & suzanne last year at a hospital in the philippines
thankful also for suzanne and our shared love for the Filipino people.
we actually got the opportunity to name the baby she is holding.
sweet moments.
so thankful for each one.

church

when God moved myself and my family to east marietta baptist church a few years back, it was one of the biggest blessings. we immediately fell right into place, and those who were once strangers become like family. our church has such a huge heart for missions in the community and abroad, and i'm so thankful to be a part of that.

so thankful for baby Dylan
my good friend tracy and her husband sonny tried for ten years to have a child
a few weeks ago, a little miracle was born.
he's perfect.

random things that don't really deserve their own paragraph...

over the past couple of weeks, i have been exceptionally aware of the different things around me that i never really stop to thank God for, but that i don't really want take away from me.

"what if you woke up today with only what you thanked god for yesterday."

after living at uncle dick's home for a short time, i realized there are so, so many things that we as americans take for granted that so many others don't have teh priveledge of having.

those are the things i'm going to wrap up this post with.

the things we take for granted, but don't want to consider life without.

*Reese's (specifically the ones shaped like pumpkins and christmas trees..yummy)--when i lived in the philippines, there was no such thing as american candy bars. Until one day we found the limited supply of american foods when we went "into town." they were $6 each! talk about a shocker! read about that shopping experience here

yep. they're amazing.

*good television (more specifically: Law & Order: SVU, Bachelor(ette)(Pad), Duck Dynasty, The Voice)

*scarves, sweaters, boots...it's freezing, people!



thank God for her every. single. day.


*facebook, twitter, insta...I couldn't keep up with what's going on with my friends living all over the place otherwise

* my glasses & contacts. whew...i would be blind without

i need new ones.
any suggestions for cute, affordable?

*washing machine-- i never would have realized how thankful i am for a washing machine had i not have gone to Uncle Dick's Home. it was quite the experience. see more details about that here

*my job

*laughs with sophie claire

sadly, i did not get to see this in person
candi said they were decorating for christmas when soph picked up this ornament and asked if it were a bow
needless to say, the child has worn some pretty big ones before



she told her mom she was going to meme's house
made my day.
so thankful for these two, and for the opportunity to have gotten to be such a big part of their lives



*my planner

**as i was going through some of my old Uncle Dick's Home posts, i came across my post "Be Thankful." It reminded me once again of how i felt there being surrounded by those who have known nothing, but still have everything they could ever need--a new family & most of all, Jesus Christ.

*SAMS...mostly just because they are the only place in Mississippi that i have found has PeaceTea



i got so excited i found these i HAD to take a picture and send it to my friend in florida

 let's not only thank God for the blessings he has given us only on this day.

every day is a gift.

remember to thank Him.

365 days. not just one. 

happy birthday, gracie!

fourteen years ago today, the world became a more beautiful place. at 1:30 in the evening our little family of three become four when into our lives came a beautiful blond baby girl. nicknamed snow baby in the hospital because of her cotton top hair, she was the most amazing thing my little six year old self had ever seen.

my parents waited until my mom was five months into her pregnancy before telling me i had a little sister on the way. even then, i wasn't good at waiting on things. although i only had to wait four months, it seemed like an eternity, and i couldn't believe the day was finally there. i remember sitting in the waiting area in amory, mississippi with my family. i can still see myself sitting there with mopsey (grandmother...everyone needs a mopsey), holding my box of little pink cigars, repeatedly asking how much longer. finally, my dad took me on a walk around the hospital hoping to occupy me for a little while longer, which resulted in him almost missing the delivery. oops.

when i was finally allowed back, all i wanted to do was hold her. i remember planning all of the little adventures i would soon get to have with that little blond haired angel. and no doubt have we had more than i can even recount.

to gracie:

grace, when i say you are my best friend, i truly mean it. only you know me better than anyone else. i remember holding you for the first time. mom kept telling me to be careful with you because you were so fragile. and today, here you are..a beautiful, strong young woman. although i know you can hold your own ground (you can bruise me without effort for crying out loud), i still see you as a fragile, little girl in need of the most careful protection. i cringe at the thought of your heart being hurt. and while i remember how big i felt at the age of fourteen, i now realize now how crucial this season of your life is for you. don't get in a hurry to pass through into the next phase of life. enjoy the right now. laugh until your little rosy cheeks hurt, and tears stream down your face. play outside. dance around in your room. sing even when no one is listening. believe it or not, there will be a day when those things won't happen near as often, and you'll long to have those moments back. november 13, 1998, you were the most beautiful girl i had ever seen, and today, you still are. you are a beautiful child of HIS. He has such beautiful plans for you. never, ever settle for less than His very best.

fourteen years ago, my six year old plans for our future adventures mostly was limited to camping in the living room, climbing trees, and playing with dolls. i'm so thankful for those young years of our lives, but i think i would have to say my favorite adventures are the ones we are in now. the talks about life. the loud taylor swift jam sessions. the roller coasters. the laughs.



gracie showing her msu support for the state vs. bama game
although we were killed..we still believe ;)



george straight concern
always been such a little cowgirl



with bff, katie, at bubba gumps



looking gorgeous @ the glee program



EPR
grace loves the erwin family...& hannah :)



beautiful, beautiful



i think the older we get, the more we look alike.



soph adores you, gracie



7th grade dance



dollywood
what do you say we break our record next week?



7th grade dance



@ church. clearly not matching.



brady is a definitely a huge fan



daddy's country girl

when i hear this song...you are who i think of.